The Principle of a Whole Heart
At some point in life, things will go wrong. You will have to deal with disappointment. There will be a moment when your world comes apart at the seams. It could be the loss of a job. It could be a heart-breaking relationship.
For me, it was a series of hiccups in relationships that led to heartbreak and disappointment. When I discovered this principle, I was in the process of falling in love with someone. And despite her good intentions and her claim that she loved me too, she could not return or give me the love she claimed to feel for me.
In truth, she had chosen not to. At that moment, when my heart was broken, the Holy Spirit whispered to me, “Leave with your whole heart.” At first, I did not understand what God was talking about.
But the more I dealt with her, the more I fell in love with her and the more it dawned on me that we couldn’t be together. I was set for failure and disappointment. My heart was set for another heartbreak. And unfortunately, one day the heartbreak came when we had to stop talking to each other.
At that moment, I began to think about what it meant to leave with a whole heart. I had a choice to leave with a whole heart or to leave a fragment of my heart at this point. Normally, heartbreak meant that I would leave a piece of my heart in the past. Part of me would stay behind and wade through the pain of heartbreak. Part of me would linger in the past holding on to the vain hope of being with her.
Leaving my whole heart intact, meant that while I’d experience disappointment, it wouldn’t define my inner core or affect my future. The parts of my heart that were broken could be healed. It would be an opportunity to move on whole by taking my heart off the table. Amid heartbreak, I came to appreciate the principle of a whole heart because I chose to leave with a whole heart.
What does leaving with a whole heart mean?
It means that you accept the hurt and pain, deal with the trauma and then move on without any part of your heart remaining locked in the past. Moving on with a whole heart doesn’t happen overnight. You’ll still feel the pain of heartbreak, but the process of leaving begins with the decision to forgive, let go and move on. You don’t let that one moment define or ruin the rest of your life. You don’t leave a piece of your heart in the past.
You pick up your heart and position yourself to love again. It might seem theoretical but, I experienced and understood it the moment the girl I’d fallen in love with told me she couldn’t love me back. What was I going to do? Normally I would’ve wallowed in disappointment for a while and introspectively viewed myself as a failure. At other times bitterness would fester and I’d say to myself “I’m never going to love again.” i.e. the next woman I’d meet was going to bear the brunt of my fragmented heart and failed relationship. A piece of me would not be available for her because I would’ve left it in the past.
This is how I generally handle relationships. Maybe this is how you handle relationships. Maybe this is how we handle feelings of betrayal, failure and many other bad things that happen in our lives. But while I was grappling with heartbreak, the Holy Spirit was saying, “Leave with a whole heart.”
As bad as I was feeling at that moment, I could choose to leave with a whole heart or deal with heartbreak the way I normally do. Leaving with a whole heart was an epiphany. I was in pain. I was full of sadness. I was disappointed but what was important was the choice to not leave a fragment of myself at this moment. It was to move on whole. No fragment of my love was to be left on the table.
Just think of the number of fragments I’ve left in the past after each failure and disappointment. Just think back to the years I’ve potentially lived with a fragmented heart because I’m holding on to past heartbreaks. For many of us, there isn’t much of a heart left. You find yourself going through life with an empty shell of a heart.
This is because every time your heart breaks you leave a piece of it at that moment. You leave pieces of your heart in the past. But, when you choose to leave with a whole heart you’re choosing to face the pain, you’re ready to forgive the person and yourself and you’re willing to release the hurt you’ve experienced.
Facing the Pain
Facing the pain means being real and honest with your heart when it hurts. Accepting that whatever situation you’re facing stings. Sometimes you live life pretending it’s okay when it isn’t. In this case, you’re simply numbing the pain and pretending that it doesn’t hurt. Pretence doesn’t last. It’s like when an actor eventually has to walk off the stage when the play is over. But, facing the pain means you’ve decided to confront it head-on. Pain is inevitable in life but, it’s also transient whether we endure it or heal from it. What’s important is that we face it head-on, with a recalcitrant passion to find wholeness.
Being ready to forgive
Being ready to forgive means being willing to pardon and absolve the person for the damage they have caused. A fragmented heart with pieces left in the past is an indication of unforgiveness. You’ve left pieces of your heart at some point in the past and your heart is constantly replaying the hurt like a broken record.
It may also mean forgiving yourself. Don’t berate yourself for being foolish but absolve yourself for the hurt you may have caused. When your heart breaks, it’s easy to blame yourself for being too foolish. But in reality, your heart is wired for love and the only way to discover love is to share it with someone else. This means at some point you’re going to be hurt. Don’t let such disappointments choke the desire for love. rather, if you made any mistakes in the pursuit of love, forgive yourself.
Sometimes you may also have to forgive God because you think He failed you. You prayed and asked God to ensure you don’t go through the pain by not getting into a relationship. But sometimes it’s like asking God to remove your lungs because you don’t like the way you’re breathing.
Remember, forgiveness is a powerful elixir for a broken heart. It’s the basis upon which you can find wholeness.
Being open to healing
Forgiveness opens the pathway for healing. Be it your choice to become whole again and to put right and correct what has gone wrong. Healing at one level allows the doctor called time and space to repair the damage. It’s making peace with what happened in the past that cannot be undone.
On another level, it’s the process of picking up all the broken pieces of your heart and putting them back again. Your heart shouldn’t be like Humpty Dumpty. No matter how fragile it seems it remains the wellspring of life and thus will always have the potential to flow again.
Being willing to Release
Being willing to release the hurt you’ve experienced is about letting go of what is past or what is about to pass. It’s done. It has passed and release means you have the opportunity to move on with a clear conscience and free heart.
You’re choosing to embrace a new day and a new world without the hurt of heartbreak. You can be fully present and available to love the next person with a whole heart. The lessons from the past have been learned but not a fragment of your heart is left behind. You are willing to leave with a whole heart.
By choosing to leave with a whole heart I discovered two other aspects of the principle.
You can live with a whole heart
Once you leave with a whole heart you are liberated to live with a whole heart. You don’t have to experience life in fragments. When you leave with a whole heart you’re choosing to live life fully again. Past pain and hurts though real and experienced aren’t distorting your desire to live in the present.
Maybe there is someone new in your life and he or she is willing and open to love you. Why deny them that opportunity because a fragment of your heart is missing? How can you enjoy and embrace the present if a part of you is living in the past? So leaving with a whole heart means that you have a renewed chance to live with a whole heart in the present.
You can love with a whole heart
As you start living with a whole heart you can love with a whole heart. Heartbreak makes it hard to love again. Heartbreak makes you feel that you can’t love again. Being rejected or betrayed makes you feel bad. When you lose something you believe is special, a part of you dies. But, love in its purest form is a risk. It’s to dare to put who you are on the stage of life for someone to see.
Whenever you lose someone you love to death in whatever form it comes including divorce and other breakups you’re faced with a future without something you either hoped to have or something that has been a part of your life for a long time. Leaving with a whole heart means being open to a healing process. Maybe that bad experience meant a whole chunk of your heart like 99.9% was left on the table and you’re telling yourself, “I don’t think I can love again.”
Well, if you keep leaving fragments of your heart in the past, that will happen. Over time you will be unable to love. Even those in long-term relationships like marriage can get to the point where they no longer feel love. The reason you may not be feeling the love anymore is that at each point of disappointment, you leave a fragment of your heart.
At some point, after 50, 25, 15 or 5 years you left fragments of your heart and there’s nothing left. But, choosing to leave with a whole heart means creating the opportunity to love again. It’s not that the pain wasn’t real. It wasn’t that it didn’t hurt so much. Rather, it’s that you’re making a choice that you’re not going to leave a fragment of your heart in the past.
You’re actively ready and willing to leave with a whole heart so that you can live with a whole heart and most importantly so that you can love again with a whole heart. Leaving with a whole heart means that you’re positioning yourself to experience a new lease of life and new love. God’s mercies are new every morning.
Leaving with a whole heart means letting go, forgiving, releasing, healing and moving on. It means embracing new life in the present reality without the hang-ups of the past. It means the ability to love again. To love deeply and love always because you have a whole heart. It’s been broken and hurt before but you’ve chosen not to let the hurt and pain define who you are because you left with a whole heart.
Remember real and true love remains because it is eternal i.e. now these 3 things remain faith, hope and love and the greatest of these is love.
Love checkbox
At some point, you’ve experienced a broken heart. Sometimes when you need to leave with a whole heart it’s because the nature of the love isn’t viable or in some respect true. Something is missing. So, it’s heartbreaking because there is something wrong. Below are a few types of ‘love’ that aren’t viable and often lead to heartbreak:
1. Love you’re waiting for: you have fantastical notions of a non-existent future that you could miss the present i.e. you’re anticipating something that will never happen.
2. Love that will never be: foolishly holding on to an unrealistic situation.
3. Love that is misunderstood: As much as you express love it cannot be reciprocated because they don’t get it
4. Love that is destined to fail: it is built on faulty foundations and unrealistic expectations.
5. Love that is abused and taken for granted: through manipulation or literal abuse love is treated with disdain and it Is assumed that it will always be there no matter the infractions and infringements
6. Love that is ignored: despite expressions of love it is rejected and not given due attention
7. Love that is mocked and disparaged: it’s pitied and made fun of.